"Hey Tom look... this dude is calling us sellouts. HELLO. You just paid 20 bucks to see us!"

"I suffer from immature ejaculation." -mark "So... you have orgasms on underage kids?! That's so sick. Mark is so fucking sick." -tom "Hey, I'm a master." -mark

"A lot of guys like to fantasize about having sex with 2 girls at the same time... I like to fantasize about having sex with the same girl twice, thank you."

"I finally found true love... I bought a hamster, and I've never felt emotions this deep before."

"Dude, you ever try to buy $500 of heroin with a third-party out-of-state check?"

"You know what's really embarassing? When you go to the emergency room and you have to convince the doctor that you slipped and fell on the G.I. Joe - and explain why it was lubricated"

"I wish they had weiner farms, cause then maybe I could get a bigger one"

"Fuck, I hope I get laid this year! Please God Please!" UC2: Harder, Faster, Faster, Harder

"I think this record's gonna sell probably five or six records..." UC2: Harder, Faster, Faster, Harder

"Instead of fighting with our fists or guns or knifes or anything, we fight using dance"
Making of All The Small Things Video

"What a crappy deal I've got"
Making of All The Small Things video, when he saw Travis making out with a gorgeous woman, Mark got a dog...

"I didn't get the wrong side of the deal, at least I get to stay dry"
Making of All The Small Things video when Travis and the woman rolls out in the water, obviously they get wet, Mark is dry...

"Have you seen my pants anywhere?"
Mark is running around on the All The Small Things set and, for once, want to get dressed...

"No, I had to do this thing when I had to put a cucumber in my pants"
Mark was upset when filming All The Small Things and called his mom...

"Let's hear it for blow jobs, people."

"We are not a stars. We are all just dorks in a band"

"I do not have a girlfriend, I have a dog."

"We play poopy poppy punk like stuff"

"I think age is just a stupid number."

"We want people to take care of there butts, because we have to make sure they're clean."

"Look at me... look at me... I need the attention, oooh I'm punk rock I got some tattoos, I got some piercings. If I'm gonna get some piercings then I want everyone to see it...I don't need to advertise my punkness. A real punk doesn't need to show off...Its like a Karate man... the Karate man bleed on the inside. A real punk is punk on the inside."

"Our favorite things in the world are pee-pee and doo-doo."

"They always want to see how big our penises are."

"Tom works out everyday on tour, dude."

"Disney movies are fuckin' bitching."

"Hard work, studying and perseverance will get you no where in life......it's all about kissing ass"

"Nothing's uglier or stupider looking than a naked guy, and making a video out of that was a little uncomfortable and fun at the same time."

"Alright if I had to sleep with a man it would be Harrison Ford, alright?" The Urethra Chronicles

"My lady did my nails.....they even have sparkles, see?"

Mark - "How do you do these?" (Girls overalls)
Tom - "Like you don't know!" Making Man Overboard

"I'm the sexiest person here.....I am very masculine" - Mark with the girls overalls on.

"Okay, someone didn't wear deodorant today!"

Some guy - "Mark, any last words before your show?"
Mark - "The last thing I wanna do tonight is a show. I just wanna go home."
Some guy - "Dude, that's what you said last night!"
Mark - "That's what I say every night."

"Tom likes to stick small pieces of furniture up his ass"

"Tom is making love with men.....right now."

"However... the prognosis of Tom's canker sore is pretty much the same as the prognosis about his penis. It's not the biggest one Dr. Bruce has seen but it's the placement of it that bothers him." The Urethra Chronicles

"We've done the same things that we were doing in the beginning, and we never wanted our band to stay small. I mean, we want our band to be as big as it can, and I'm not going to die wondering about some kid that calls us a sell-out at a show. I don't have a problem being on MTV, and I don't have a problem being on the radio. I actually like it. So there. And anyone that calls me a sellout is just jealous."

"Take it from me because I learned the hard way: circumcisions are best left to professionals." Rolling Stone interview

"See, my mom sings about transvestites! I'm not the crazy one!"
Mark when his mom sings Transvestite on MTV's Road Home - Blink 182

"Make yourself do something stupid so when you really do something stupid you won't feel so bad" Making All The Small Things

"I think that the whole Y2K thing will be that people will sit in their cars and watch their speedometers go down to 10,000 and they'll be like oh, but I'll still be ugly and have no friends."

"People call me the Porky Pine, because I'm the Porky Pine of all the fellas! I go clubbin' every single night, and I don't give a f**k coz I'm the Porky Pine, club boy, clubbin' every single night, New York, L.A., London.... Tokyo, everywhere!" The Urethra Chronicles

"I'm not a whore, I don't have sex with girls that I'm not in love with, but I've been known to partake of the occasional hookup and what-have-you."

"I try not to judge people or talk shit about anyone except the other guys in my band."

"Do you think there's any chance I'll make out tonight?" Mark
"Wow... I don't know! I've gotta see who you're working with" Lil' Kim
MTV movie awards 2001

"Tom is actually in Sweden doing his sex change. He's been a woman for like seven years, and his dream finally came true. Actually, he's on his honeymoon" MTV news

"Wow, she's a 32D! It must be some metric boobs" MTV Select (MTV Europe), Atomic Kitten left their bra for them

"Tom is seriously cross-eyed and nobody likes him" Commenting the Rock Show video

"Brathoslavia?? Wow, is that a country? Well, hello there!" MTV Select

"We suck at dancing" MTV's Best of Bad Boys

"If something is wrong with you, hate someone else for it" Same as above

"You never find anything better than to go home" On the tour bus

"Christina Aguilera Christina Aguilera Christina Aguilera!!!" Who did Mark see????

"It's the most creepy part of being in a band, it's called meet & greet.... Meet & creep! Then we just move this way............ slowly" Mark makes it clear that he dislikes the meet & greet parts and would like to get away

"It won't be released by us, 'cause I honestly don't want people to see me naked. We'll lose our entire fan base! Especially when I do a cartwheel in front of the camera and I'm totally naked -- the whole package is just really rotten looking." Mark on unedited version of "What's My Age Again?" video

"Tom's girlfriend apparently likes ugly guys." Scott
"She looks for what's inside!" Tom
"She's a proctologist" Mark (Interview)

"Tom likes boobies, he breast fed until he was 14" San Diego concert

"This is for everyone here who has a penis or vagina and especially for those who have both" San Diego concert

"If you're under 18 you can't flash us unless you brought a note from your parents"

"I can have sex with each and every girl here....and be home in time for dinner"

"I've seen Travis naked!!"

Mark: "Why are you in love with me? Do you have a thing for ugly, fat, disgusting guys?"
One of Kari's (Tom's sister) friends: "No, I have a thing for cute, talented guys"
Mark: "Oh, then you should like Travis" MTV's Road Home

"I've been married for a year" Mark
"They're having sex" Tom
"Yes, for the past year we've had a lot of sex in a lot of positions. The Torn Eagle is one, The Sodomised Goat..." Q February 2002 issue

"If I was a horse then Tom's dad would fuck me... but in a really amusing way" KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas 2001

Jabba: "So you’ve been travelling around the world with Bush as well?"
Mark: "I’ve been looking for bush at every show but haven’t really found any"

"The concept of this video is that we found out a way to clone dinosaurs, and we store them in bugs" Explaining the concept of the Dammit video

"Everyone call Tom a Fuck Head!"

"Everyone flip the girl off in the front row with the Bad Religion shirt on!"

"I hate it when people try to act cool. I hope they all get gonorreah and die."

"Travis wears Victoria's Secret vanilla perfume. He is seriously the best-smelling dude in the band. Tom and I used to make fun of him 'cause he always burns candles and incense, but we stopped because we relized we like the scent."

"I'm a jalepeno, looking for a tomato...let's make salsa."

Tom- "Hey what's the best gift you can give anyone for Christmas?"
Mark- "What?"
Tom- "An orgasm!"
Mark- "Hey, you put one of those in my stocking last year."
Tom- "Yeah (laughs)"
Mark- "I'm wearing it right now"

Scott Russo- "Any time Pat (bassist, Unwritten Law)... Mr. Hoppus?"